The Wrong Question

Before this initiative had even started, I viewed being independent as a problem that had an eventual solution. If I learned and reflected enough about money, being responsible, making routines, and making decisions, I thought that I would eventually reach a point where living independently would feel natural and straightforward. Most of the topics that I planned to write about would be practical steps to making independence fit that narrative. I truly wanted to “solve” independence by understanding the skills and knowledge required to successfully live independently, and then help others like myself transition into independent life, as well as avoid the common mistakes that I had identified.

However, as I continued writing, I found myself becoming less interested in the main challenges surrounding independent living, and a lot more intrigued by the factors that influence them altogether. The topics that tended to resonate with me were rarely the obvious ones. Instead, they were the everyday habits that we tend to overlook, the delayed consequences that are easy to count out, the trade offs behind our decisions, and the assumptions that influence our priorities without us realizing it.

Looking back, the more I reflected, the more I challenged the way I traditionally viewed independence. If the biggest issues were really just practical skills and responsibilities, then you could eventually master independence with enough preparation and experience. However, many of the factors that seemed to affect independent living were not problems that could just be easily solved then forgotten. They were ongoing, long term influences that continued affecting every single decision, even after I understood them. While many aspects of independence can absolutely be improved through better decisions, stronger routines, and greater responsibility, the factors behind them never go away. Priorities shift when circumstances change. New trade offs surface when old ones disappear. Independent living can be constantly improved, but it can never be “solved”.

I think this is also a major reason why many people struggle with independence in the first place. Most of us are naturally focused on the visible responsibilities associated with independence. Major milestones related to university, careers, income, housing, among others, are often the major obstacles that we think about because they are the easiest to recognize. However, most of the factors that determine our success in these areas are a lot harder to notice. We constantly make assumptions, develop habits, and make decisions that repeatedly influence our outcomes, long before they ever become visible.

When I started this blog, I wanted to find answers. I wanted to be able to understand and control independent living enough that I could avoid making mistakes, have the perfect routine, and use that knowledge to help others. While I still believe in that goal’s value, I no longer think that independence can be simplified into a set of principles and rules that eventually can be mastered. What this blog ultimately gave me, and what I hope it can give you, is a better understanding of the forces that shape our lives behind the scenes. I did not finish this project with a solution to independence, but with a much larger appreciation of the factors influencing it. In many ways, this understanding has been much more valuable than the answer I originally looked for.